Subject: Henrietta von Schroeder Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:28 pm
Spoiler:
BIOGRAPHY
Spoiler:
Childhood The daughter of Occitanian merchant, Alfred von Schroeder, Henrietta grew up with a rather aristocratic childhood, taught by a personal trainer in the noble art of swordsmanship and of many languages. Soon she would learn the true intention of her education. On the eve of her thirtieth birthday, her father told her that she was not to partake of the silver spoon which she had grown up with, he was sending her out into the world left to her own devices. Given a few shillings and a dagger she was to leave the following night. However she was not content with the equipment her father had given her, and stole thirty nobles from his vaults, and rode off to Pycheko in one of her father's merchant carts.
Happenings of Pycheko So, she left for Lykaregrad in Pycheko. Made a deal with a local blacksmith that if she could bring in six pounds of mithril he promised her the equivilent of 25 Sanctimonian Nobles and supply her with a unique cobalt rapier, which he dubbed "Myechsiniy." And so, directed towards the mountains of Talibar, she left the next morning with vigor. It took her a good eight months before she reached the dwarven city she was directed to. She met with a Dvegar mineboss who had made the arrangement with the Pychekan blacksmith, and picked up her load paying only twenty nobles, and made the eight month trek across the Pychekan plains to Lykaregrad. Now thirty-one, Henrietta entered the town and met with the blacksmith. As promised her rewarded her with twenty-five nobles as well as Myechsiniy. And so, she left, Pycheko. With it's large cities and militaristic society for the more peaceful land of Brython. She sold her father's cart to a ship charterer for a trip to Brython.
Brython Voyage After a five month voyage to Brython, she made landfall in a small port town. She met with the locals and sold them some assorted knickknacks and trinkets from both Occitan and Pycheko. A very uneventful seven months passed and the Thirty-two year old left Brython, sailing across the Sea of Ahdsur, making landfall in Sanctimonia.
Arrival to Sanctimonia The good land of Sanctimonia, she landed somewhere on the Dragon Coast and spent a couple of years with the Highlanders, and learned their language. Intrigued by the fine craftsmanship of Highland arms and armour she bought several shipments and a cart. Then with directions to the trade-city of Surna, she left. By the time she had arrived she had grown rather tired of merchandising and was searching for a position of power. So, she applied for the Surnan Watch.
SKILLS AND ATTRIBUTES
Spoiler:
Full Name: Henrietta von Schroeder Race: Human Nationality: Occitan Age: 36 Known Languages: Occitan, Common, Highland, Pychekan, Elvish Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Melee Due to her stature, Henrietta is capable of parrying swipes, lunges, and thrusts with relative ease. She cannot hit very hard though, because she uses a rapier instead of a longsword. She learned to fight from a professional tutor Parry Thrust Block Slashes
Green Formal Dress Mycehsiniy Shipment of Highland Half-Plate Shipment of Highland Longswords
25 Nobles
WATCH APPLICATION
Spoiler:
[OOC]Forum Name: Noodle [OOC] Steam Name: [CM] Noodle [OOC] Are you familiar with the Watch and what it does?: The watch is the police system of Surna and it enforces the Sanctimonian Common Law [OOC] Have you served in the Watch before?: Nope. There's a first time for everything.
[IC] Full Name: Henrietta von Schroeder [IC] Race: Human [IC] Gender: Female [IC] Age: 36
[IC] What are your reasons for joining?: I've grown tired of the merchant buisness and am now looking for a more... unique profession in Surna.
[IC] What can you bring us?: Master swordsmanship, and knowledge of many languages. ----How do you plan to do so?: Through help with negotiations and the like. As well as confronting lawbreakers in close combat [IC] What previous experience do you have?: Formally educated in the civil art of swordsmanship for the better part of twenty years. [IC] Have you broken any laws?: No. ----If yes, please state: [IC] Are you able to follow any orders given by superiors?: Yes, so long as they are lawful. ----If no, why not: [IC] Health conditions: None.
Last edited by noodle on Fri Sep 14, 2012 11:53 am; edited 5 times in total
Mithral... magic metals.. Jacque where are you? Pending, waiting for the 3/3 melee RP...
Dominator046 Senior Wizard
Posts : 458 Join date : 2012-08-09 Age : 29 Location : 'Murica.
Subject: Re: Henrietta von Schroeder Fri Sep 14, 2012 6:19 am
The biography was a good read, and I enjoyed seeing how you adapted what you did from my biographies. = ) Feel free to use any of my crapola if it helps, I noticed one other person do that as well.
Anyways, onto this bio.
I don't see many isssues, but I usually give pause when I see someone give themselves the maximum skill level in something, even if its their only skill. Having said this, I feel a bit hypocritical, giving Aedelric near-master level combat ability in his biography, while also having other abilities under his belt (though, none quite comparable to his bladework save his smithing).
Anyways, that's not a major issue, but I want to make sure it's played properly, as the others have said, so for a Maximum Level fighter, I'm giong to need to see what you've got.
Also, a comment on your equipment. Unfortunately, spoilers are not able to be placed within himself, and you cannot have a spoiler within a spoiler. As such, we can't see your blue level item. Now, while Blue isn't totally crazy in my material system, I would still like to be able to see it before giving you a full hearted accept; I'm assuming its her sword.
Lastly, this is important for a part of her combat ability: Instead of just a number system, try to flesh out HOW she fights; this is something I'm going to edit my biographies with very soon. Instead of just saying how great my characters are at something, I'm going to explain HOW they fight as well. Now, while it does seem like she's a keen saber user/rapier type style fighter, I want to know some other things. Sure, she's been trained to use the sword, but has she been conditioned for battle? Has she been taught the pathology of the fight in one way or another, or is it merely a watered down karate styled teaching? These are things that I can't really hold back from an accept, because I have been unable to do them myself; I will rectify this, and it would definitely lean towards an accept a great deal if you could help explain these things.
Subject: Re: Henrietta von Schroeder Fri Sep 14, 2012 7:59 am
Please don't slap my shit! I'll change it to something else... As for the 3/3 melee, I'd say being a proper Occitan Lady, training twenty years, and presumably doing some proper dueling, would be enough to be a master.
Subject: Re: Henrietta von Schroeder Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:09 am
old post:
I personally would put steel half plate under the green tag of reliable instead of the common tag. This is because while both are relatively common, iron is the most common. Also, half-plate is less common for a young woman than leather armor or even some nice iron chainmail. Change the armor please. I would consider this if your character got these later, but for a starting set of armor I am going to say no.
Apart from this, why would a merchant give his daughter armor if he wanted her to go without anything else? Did he really have her taught all these amazing things just so she could be a common sellsword? Why give her anything if he wanted her to start from scratch? How did she get into the exclusive dvergar cities? 2500 shillings and a mithril sword is extremely valuable and unlikely. My character, Morigen, does not even have that much and she is well over four times Henrietta's age.
This character seems to have too much too early. I am going to deny based off the fact that in accordance with how I have seen previous characters roleplayed, the amazing starter equipment and money being too good, and the fact that no character is to have a masterful ability at start. Reis is planetouched and is not even considered masterful in any aspect of her abilities. Balance is not met in how you spread out the skill points, but in giving everyone the same amount to start off with.
Try giving your characters skills explained with words instead of skills given a quantitative value. I will automatically assume a number means you are thinking 'This is my screw it button so I can have any level of skill I want without having to explain how or why I know how to do this." Even if you explain something within the biography, I think it would be prudent to add a reminder withing the skills if only for quick reference.
Again, I am denying based off the qualities I see. I hold the right to change my decision at any time, as I see fit, without warning. Change the things I listed and I will consider giving you an accept if these things are changed.
Changed to an accept.
Last edited by PhoenixRhapsody on Wed Sep 19, 2012 12:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
Dominator046 Senior Wizard
Posts : 458 Join date : 2012-08-09 Age : 29 Location : 'Murica.
Subject: Re: Henrietta von Schroeder Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:32 am
PhoenixRhapsody wrote:
Apart from this, why would a merchant give his daughter armor if he wanted her to go without anything else? Did he really have her taught all these amazing things just so she could be a common sellsword? Why give her anything if he wanted her to start from scratch? How did she get into the exclusive dvergar cities?
While I was iffy on the Dvegar cities, I must say, I thought that the father sent his daughter off because she was a biotch and needed taught a lesson. He gave her a sum of money, gave her a nod, then said 'get out mah damn house'. At least, that's how I reasoned it; I don't expect to know everything about a character's backstory by just reading their bio, that's no fun. = P Gotta have some mystery.
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: Henrietta von Schroeder Fri Sep 14, 2012 10:05 am
I'd advise you posting the watch application in the respective subforum, but I can't pass judgment for an application if the character isn't accepted.
