HomeFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Delinadra Kaelerius

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:43 am

Delinadra Kaelerius

Race: High Elf

Affiliation: Assassin, Scout.

Specializations: Parkour, Taming, Arching, Stealth.

Notable Features: Reclusive Posture, Flowing Blonde Hair, Beautiful complexion, Feminine Curves.

Skills/Hobbies: Fishing, Hunting, Collecting, Leatherworking, Skinning.

Inventory: Black Leather Armor. Bow and quiver full of arrows. Black Daggers, as well as 4 small cyclone knives. Black belt with small pouches full of different tools.

Hello, I am Delinadra, I am one of the High Elves of Aeria, I am an assassin and scout, I do contract work for the prospective customer, and more specifically, the Underground, and I obtain things for my employers that would otherwise be untouched. I am a professional at what I do, I avoid the guards when I can and I kill anyone that attempts to kill me. I am precocious, headstrong, and beautiful, and that makes for a dangerous combination, I also do my job by seduction tactics, Luring them into a trap, and killing them. Overall, you would do good to stay out of my way.

_________________________________________Biography__________________________________________________

Delinadra was a troublemaker as a child, always stealing, playing games, and getting into fights, she grew up in the forests around the outskirts of Sanctimonia, and she grew to be a stereotypical Elf, tall, royal, beautiful, and with the usual green eyes. She did mostly small jobs as a teenager until her parents died, and when she obtained the gear she has today, and that's when she started doing contract work and avoiding dangers such as guards, other contract killers, and 'interested' men. She started to do serious stuff when she got older, assassinating, poisoning, and persuading. She stays to the woods when she can, and steals food from the city.

When she was doing a job, a man approached her by the name of Grimthor, with the proposition that he will do no harm, she saw he wanted to join forces as a team for battle. She can almost never be seen as she moves among the treetops, and hides, if you do see her you'd only spot her for a second, before she disappears into a bush or before she climbs a tree. She also collects fruits and vegetables to eat in the forest, and keeps her equipment clean.

She was only 16 when her parents died, and she had never forgotten them, she tries to get over it but she never can, she remembers their faces, her sisters' faces, and her brother's face. She hopes for a change when she can roam the amazing streets of Surna freely, without the worry of a guard catching her, or someone holding her hostage, so she naturally attempts to change her appearance so that she can, but it almost never works.

She recently has attempted being a Sword For Hire, watching caravans, Important people, and desperate stall owners. She usually enjoys getting the respect she received from her peers, as she is the daughter of Darthinos Kaelerius, a very rich Elf. While Grimthor, her possible future companion, always respects her, she is not sure about many of the other Humans. She does not believe in any god, and does not pray, she only answers to herself. She is now currently hidden in the forest, and in her natural, and well placed, home.


Last edited by DrTrauma on Sun Feb 17, 2013 5:50 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Fixin' Dat Shizzle)
Back to top Go down
Fuzzy Wolfy
Scrub
avatar

Posts : 44
Join date : 2013-02-04
Age : 24
Location : Canada

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:59 am

I-...

Ar-...

Unapproved.

I suggest you read over some of the approved character pages, and maybe read up on the lore a little more.

I also suggest you tone down the sexual appeal, because being an assassin/hitman is one thing, being a blatant sex icon is another.

  • You're missing a backstory.
  • You're missing a skills list, or something that tells your abilities in more detail.
  • You're missing a heck of a lot of detail on who your character works for - if anybody - because a freelance assassin is considered by most to be a murderer, and that's a bad thing to be from the very start unless you plan on RP'ing avoiding guards.
  • Give us a feel for her personality. How is she dangerous? Does she just... Seduce you to death?
  • What you wear and own shouldn't be a 'notable feature'.


That's all I can really tell so far...

Edit: Noodle brought up a good point; you state that you're "one of the last few high elves", when Sanctimonai is an Elven country. You'd be part of the majority at best.

_________________
"The metaphorical shit just hit the proverbial fan."


Last edited by Fuzzy Wolfy on Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:13 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
noodle
Monthly Bather
avatar

Posts : 334
Join date : 2012-06-09
Location : Surna, Sanctimonia

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:21 am

DrTrauma wrote:

Delinadra Kaelerius

Race: High Elf
Affiliation: Assassin, Magi, Scout.
Specializations: Parkour, Soothsaying, Taming, Arching, Stealth.
Notable Features: Black Hood Obscuring Half of Her Face, Black Leather Armor, Black Bow and Daggers, Black Quiver/Arrows, Beautiful complexion, Feminine Curves.


Hello, I am Delinadra, I am one of the few remaining High Elves of Aeria, I am an assassin and scout, I do contract work, and I obtain things for my employers that would otherwise be untouched, and I am a professional at what I do. I am precocious, headstrong, and beatiful, and that makes for a dangerous combination, I also do my job by seduction tactics. Overall, you would do good to stay out of my way.

DrTrauma wrote:
Hello, I am Delinadra, I am one of the few remaining High Elves of Aeria, I am an assassin and scout, I do contract work, and I obtain things for my employers that would otherwise be untouched, and I am a professional at what I do.

DrTrauma wrote:
...few remaining High Elves of Aeria...

Nope. Try again.

DrTrauma wrote:
Affiliation: Assassin, Magi, Scout.

An Assassin and a Magi... Yeah... No.

Mandatory Magi Reading
More Mandatory Magi Reading
MORE Mandatory Magi Reading

As for everything else. Look at a few of the accepted character pages.

Also, do not, whatever you do... open this spoiler.
Pssst do it.
Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 12:59 pm

Fuzzy Wolfy wrote:
I-...

Ar-...

Unapproved.

I suggest you read over some of the approved character pages, and maybe read up on the lore a little more.

I also suggest you tone down the sexual appeal, because being an assassin/hitman is one thing, being a blatant sex icon is another.

  • You're missing a backstory.
  • You're missing a skills list, or something that tells your abilities in more detail.
  • You're missing a heck of a lot of detail on who your character works for - if anybody - because a freelance assassin is considered by most to be a murderer, and that's a bad thing to be from the very start unless you plan on RP'ing avoiding guards.
  • Give us a feel for her personality. How is she dangerous? Does she just... Seduce you to death?
  • What you wear and own shouldn't be a 'notable feature'.


That's all I can really tell so far...

Edit: Noodle brought up a good point; you state that you're "one of the last few high elves", when Sanctimonai is an Elven country. You'd be part of the majority at best.

I be fixin' shitz, and this was done on a windows phone, and the last comment, High Elves I was actually planning to be a rare race that lived elsewhere, was destroyed and the remnants moved to Sanctimonia, as for the rest I pretty much understand. Sorry for the horrible app. Also, no sexual appeal, thats the only good description of her as far as the body, hair, ears, and face.
Back to top Go down
Venom OPS
Administrator
avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-08-17
Location : America

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:23 pm

Combined those threads for yah, deleting the other.

_________________
Back to top Go down
http://www.facebook.com/VenomOps
TheGunrunner
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 108
Join date : 2012-10-01
Location : Everywhere and nowhere.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:40 pm

Hmm...

Pending

I just want to see how she's played first.
I won't judge the bio. Really, I care more about how she roleplays. It tells you the basics anyways, so I think it gets the job done.

Oh, you forgot to add her inventory.


Last edited by TheGunrunner on Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Tucker
Scrub
avatar

Posts : 29
Join date : 2013-02-08

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:41 pm

pls change your signature
Back to top Go down
Venom OPS
Administrator
avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-08-17
Location : America

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:43 pm

Is there a particular reason for deleting the equipment? Encase you wanted it, i'll upload it.
http://pastebin.com/5A4RB8YQ

_________________
Back to top Go down
http://www.facebook.com/VenomOps
wizered153
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 123
Join date : 2012-05-22
Age : 102
Location : Fort Kick Ass

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:46 pm

Hmmmmm, let me quickly grow beard and think about it
*thinks about it*
I willgive my Approval
Back to top Go down
Fuzzy Wolfy
Scrub
avatar

Posts : 44
Join date : 2013-02-04
Age : 24
Location : Canada

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:08 am

Though this is still somewhat far from an aesthetically pleasing app, the fact that you replied and bothered to fix the app in a matter of hours tells me that you're actually putting effort into it.

Regardless, I'll change my unapproved to a pending, and - like gunrunner - I'll wait until I either see major improvement in the app itself or until I see how you role play before giving a real judgement.

_________________
"The metaphorical shit just hit the proverbial fan."
Back to top Go down
noodle
Monthly Bather
avatar

Posts : 334
Join date : 2012-06-09
Location : Surna, Sanctimonia

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:19 am

Fuzzy Wolfy wrote:
Though this is still somewhat far from an aesthetically pleasing app, the fact that you replied and bothered to fix the app in a matter of hours tells me that you're actually putting effort into it.

Regardless, I'll change my unapproved to a pending, and - like gunrunner - I'll wait until I either see major improvement in the app itself or until I see how you role play before giving a real judgement.

Likewise.
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:54 am

Thanks guys, I'm still working on it, had tio get shit done last night so didn't have much time to add lots of goodies for your eyes to feast upon (Pictures of my awesome equipment, etc) and I removed the magi part, that was sort of just a small thing, like she would be able to do minor enchantment, like turning a peach into gold, I think her equipment and skills will be power enough so I dropped it. Anyways, I'll be labeling it a WIP for now, unless you can put that into the title.
Back to top Go down
TheGunrunner
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 108
Join date : 2012-10-01
Location : Everywhere and nowhere.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:13 am

Please pick something...smaller.

Quote :
Like turning a peach into gold...

Well just because I know someone else is or was going to say something: That wouldn't be minor.
Back to top Go down
Venom OPS
Administrator
avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-08-17
Location : America

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:40 am

I don't think you understand the whole signature thing. Spoiler it up, or make a banner or some sheit.

_________________
Back to top Go down
http://www.facebook.com/VenomOps
TheGunrunner
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 108
Join date : 2012-10-01
Location : Everywhere and nowhere.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 11:14 am

Quote :
Full of arrows

Sooo leaf point? Bodkin? Barbed?

Here:

Leaf point: They're big and wide. Out of these three, they look like they do the most damage.

Bodkin: Bodkins are for getting through that pesky armor people have. According to wikipediaa... It can pierce mail armor from a distance and even plate mail if you're close up.

Barbed: The head is small but has two points that start playing their part when you try and pull the arrow out.

Idk any other arrow types, if there are any others.



Last edited by TheGunrunner on Fri Feb 15, 2013 11:33 am; edited 3 times in total
Back to top Go down
Spadge
Vengaboy
avatar

Posts : 167
Join date : 2012-02-04
Age : 25
Location : United States

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 11:15 am

Venom OPS wrote:
I don't think you understand the whole signature thing. Spoiler it up, or make a banner or some sheit.

We had a signature thing? Since when?
Back to top Go down
Tucker
Scrub
avatar

Posts : 29
Join date : 2013-02-08

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 11:27 am

since forever
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:18 pm

Depending on my options she would keep a supply of all of them, as any effective assassin would do, but if I can't, than Bodkin or Leaf-Point, also, fixing my signature.
Back to top Go down
TheGunrunner
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 108
Join date : 2012-10-01
Location : Everywhere and nowhere.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:26 pm

I think it would be fine to have a selection, to be ready depending on the situation. Maybe a count of how many for each, though?
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 8:49 pm

Prolly 10-20 each, don't want to be running out of assassin assassiney assassin ammo.
Back to top Go down
TheGunrunner
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 108
Join date : 2012-10-01
Location : Everywhere and nowhere.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:14 pm

Maybe not sixty, but I got ya. Aight, then.
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Sat Feb 16, 2013 4:53 pm

Okay, why was the picture taken off. TELLLLL ME. Now people have no idea what to expect to see in the RP.
Back to top Go down
wizered153
Dedicated Poster
avatar

Posts : 123
Join date : 2012-05-22
Age : 102
Location : Fort Kick Ass

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Sun Feb 17, 2013 3:37 am

Pictures are overrated
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:16 pm

Nawp.
Back to top Go down
DrTrauma
Scrublet
avatar

Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-02-11
Age : 28
Location : Dunno.

PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:18 pm

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME. I have fixed my application formatting real nice, check out the clean bio, or perhaps the colorful words are more your style? Or perhaps.... Some ROLEPLAAAYYYY? I'll be on for quite a while Saturday Sunday and Monday.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Delinadra Kaelerius   

Back to top Go down
 
Delinadra Kaelerius
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: Approval-
Jump to: