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Foshizzle
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PostSubject: Malfa Hewhy   Wed Sep 19, 2012 3:02 pm





Age: 214
Gender: Female
Race: Dark Elf
Affiliation: The Forgotten
Birthplace: Unknown
Deity: Unknown

Biography:

"Forged from revenge, revenge shall they wrought." The inscription upon both blades as they were hammered tirelessly, the sparks flying from the forge in which a rough hand smashed a hammer continuously onto the mixture of metals, each stroke imbuing malice, sorcery, and hate into the blades. These were forged by a Dark Elven smith of some forgotten time. To his daughter nearby he handed these blades, as he took his own out, and sallied with his men to fight the invaders as they stormed through his fortress walls.

Centuries ago, in some forgotten land, in some forgotten place, Dark Elves had risen to great power. Their greedy will was let upon the peoples of the land and the suave, but corrupt, Elves imposed their will on all whom they subjugated. Hundreds of years of this Dark Elf rule of course angered the peasants, and one day in an outlying mining village, tool-armed peasants attacked and killed Elven soldiers guarding the mines. Thus began a Revolution, Humans and Elves chiefly against the Dark Elf rule. Years of bloody war tore the land apart, and a final battle approached in the capital city. Malfa, daughter of one of the highest smiths of these Dark Elfs, stood by as her father forged her two fine blades, fueled by his sorcerous energy. His daughter took these blades as heirlooms, tools of revenge, as she fled the citidel with few others. She saw as her parents and friends cut down by the avenging enemies that swarmed into the fortress, and from then on, nothing filled her heart more than burning desire for revenge against those who took what was rightfully hers.

It was near her 50th birthday, a fairly young Elven age, that she began studying the dark arts under escaped servants, who too held fierce loyalty to their old king. Daughter of one of the finest Dark Elven war smiths, she was seen as a tool, and nothing more, to bring the Dark Elves back to power. For nearly two centuries she studied every form of black magic possible, learning in the arcane, dabbling in swordsmanship. She had already had an education, but any form of casual life had been stripped from her. In the forests miles from the burning citadel, she lived in exile, always hunted by the soldiers who had retaken their lands and established a new kingdom. Though like all younger Elves, she had a curiosity, an innate wondering of the outside world beyond the harsh education and sheltering she received from former members of the royal court. The time came when the Elf enclave was discovered and overran by the soldiers who had killed her parents centuries ago. Despite vicious fighting, the Dark Elves were all slain. Dark magic helped her, but she was agile, not physically powerful, and the heavier soldiers bested her and her arcane blades. Though she managed to escape, quickly, fleeing for her life into unfamiliar territory, the world she'd always wondered about.

She was never as sinister or hateful as her teachers would've liked. She had a desire for revenge, to avenge the suppression her people and kingdom had suffered, and though bigoted, she still had less violent, curious wonders about the world. A distaste for personal possessions and a cynical, nihilistic view of life and its nature left her more selfless than many Dark Elves, though her greed was still strong. Her personality was more mischievous than evil, toying than vicious, persuasive than forceful. However, she was manipulative and self-centered, often cold-hearted and uncaring for others. This got her along badly with personal relationships, but well in the world, not succumbing to many misfortunes, such as robbery, that many non-worldly-wise Elves came across. She focused then on learning and scholarly actions, knowledge is power. Her goals quickly faded from her homeland, and became more simple: start a new life, a life she never had.

She fled then for decades, even leaving her homeland for elsewhere, going to strange lands, always fearful of her past and what pursued her. She began to abandon her old desire for revenge, her greed taking the best of her. Power, money, and respect, what she wanted most and what she wanted to gain, always wanting to band the Dark Elves again together to take over the world of Men, in some distant dream. In search of a safe haven, after being run out of other towns for crimes, in search of career and "honest" living, she arrives in town on a rainy night.

"Perhaps I'll stay here." She mumbles.


Skills:
    Extensive arcane/dark arts abilities.
    Very agile and energetic, as Dark Elves are.
    Persuasive.
    Decently good in swordfighting, though relies more on agility.
    Adept at tracking and stealth.


Inventory:
    Two enchanted Elven swords
    One set of boots
    One set of blackened leather gloves.
    One blackened leather armor top and skirt.
    One black corset
    Various books


Notes:
    She tends to conceal her abilities, rarely using them in public.
    Her abilities are still apprentice-level, spells and such are exhausting and difficult.
    All the disadvantages of normal Dark Elves.
    Not physically powerful.
    Her swords deliver almost a "jolt" of dark energy with them, and due to these sorcerous auras surrounding them, they are also physically faster, more durable, and well-crafted as any Elven weaponry is.
    Her magic abilities are primarily:
    -The ability to cast fire projectiles.
    -The ability to cloak herself, somewhat, in shadow.
    -"Shadow-weaving" or shadow wave-like energy attacks.
    -Bolts of "lightning", or arcane bolts.
    -Increased agility when under personal effects of the magic.
    Her magic was learned from other members of the royal court of the land she lived in exile with. Obviously such people would dabble in dark arts themselves, and by instruction of their king, follow these teachings and pass them on.


Last edited by Foshizzle on Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:13 am; edited 9 times in total
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Kain
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Wed Sep 19, 2012 10:01 pm

There certainly is an influx of sexy drow girls. I think we may be over our quota.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:50 pm

This is a mean foreign Dark Elf, not a kawaiidesu like I've seen most of the recent Elf girls be.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:03 am

Does this fit the lore? Actually, kind of. She could very well be one of the Forgotten, a band of vengeful Drow that lived beneath Valen's mountains (in which case, this might need some editing). Their main attributes are extreme hatred and powerful abilities, including extensive knowledge of dark magic. Basically, their entire culture is comprised of warriors and cultists. 200 years ago, the Forgotten emerged from their homes and wreaked havoc on the surface. Their current whereabouts are unknown.

Do I think this character should be accepted? I'm not sure. In general, the Forgotten are a little too combat-oriented to make good characters. They're like the generic bad-guys you'd fight in an RPG. Their motives are pretty 2-dimensional: spread Shar's influence to all lands, and kill anything that gets in the way.

Obviously, she doesn't have to be like every other one of her brethren. Perhaps she's more peaceable. And you've put down that her magic and swordsmanship aren't even that good, so she probably won't be steamrolling over everyone to pursue her goals. My approval will be pending until I see how you RP this character.

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:52 am

I can also mention her family was killed at an early age and her exile comprised entirely of training, so though she's powerful, she doesn't want all revenge and such. She has a desire to experience life, something she could never do. I also edited it to be ambiguously "her homeland", not an island but possibly the mountains.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:23 am

Being the owner of the most recent Daefar (I think that is what Pat called them), I can say that you will not be well recieved by almost any characters short of my own and possibly other evil characters.

I am not happy about yet another Daefar (again, I am not sure that is what Pat called them) but I would be willing to put up with something else. Seeing as Jacker has not made an app for his daefar, I can say that yours is more likely to be accepted than his, but I am still iffy about the whole idea.

Foshizzle wrote:
She was left with a cynical, nihilsitic view of life.

I don't think you know what that would mean. Nihilists believe life has no meaning. That revenge is pointless because nothing has an eternal value in the end. That is completely opposed to the idea of revenge.

That aside, it looks like the BIO is mostly Daefar history and minimally about what has happened to her in her life. Where did she get access to dark magic? It wasn't very clear, but it kinda looked like you said that the slaughtered aristocrats told her. When did she learn? Again with the dead nobility. Come up with an original underdark city. There is no posted lore on it yet, so it can be hard to tell, but the underdark is where your character would most likely have come from. I don't know how the nobility system is set up for the typical Daefar city, but I would assume that you probably are using one of the less common kinds, as mentioned by Munroe. For this reason, given that Daefar are so much less common, I am even more skeptical.

300 is about middle aged for a Daefar, so you would begin losing a number of physical attributes at this point. I am not saying you would not still be a formidable foe or whatever, as seen by Pat's Daefar(all of his character's names escape me,) but you should realize that 300 is getting up there in age. There will be a penalty to her sword fighting for it. The approximate RL equivalent for her age would be like late forties to early fifties. This is based off the max age of 600 given to me by Xeloras.

Apart from the physical weakness, your magic, if it remains unchanged, would be better however. Such is the way that magic goes in Aeria, as I am sure you would know. Dark magic is going to be punished extremely fast in the city, just keep that in mind, but according to your general lack of specifics I am going to let you know that I will hold everything you do wrong against you. The only way I won't is if you compound a list of specific dark magics to be clarified. The reasons for this is as follows:
  • A man with extensive fire magic could be capable of summoning a wall of fire,
  • or they could be capable of enveloping a person within a few seconds,
  • or they could create a swirling vortex of flames that incinerate any incoming arrows that come their direction as well as burning people that get too close,
  • or they could throw fireballs with both speed and control.


While that is flames and not dark magic, it only serves as an example. Dark magic is exponentially more dangerous and more difficult, not to mention it covers a broader spectrum that includes necromancy, golem artificing, curses and hexes, demonology, Lycanthropy, vampirism, and Shar's shadow-weave. Now some of them are interrelated and some of them are unrelated, but they would all be considered "dark magic" or the "dark arts." If you say that she knows "dark magic" extensively, I assume you mean all of these. If that is the case, my automatic answer is DENIED.

To sum up: Change your BIO or give a TL;DR version with the highlights for why she knows everything she does and has everything she has AND extend your skills list and be excruciatingly specific. I cannot stress the second enough. I just can't. You need to give absolute limits for the sake of us knowing what you are limited to.

DENIED until the points listed in the paragraph above are covered.

EDIT: I left out the "two enchanted swords" she has. I want to know what they do. If they don't really do anything, they aren't enchanted. If they are enchanted, however, what are they supposed to do? Do they make the wielder fireproof? Can they detect magic? Do they catch on fire when they are wielded? Do they cause unholy magic effects on the innocent and just? Can they be wielded by anyone? What are the side effects to using them? Can they be broken in combat? Are the enchantments passive or do they have to be activated to be used? If so, how long do they last and how powerful are they?

Just some things to think about.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:58 am

To point things out in Pho's post, Daefar is a name for the dark elves instead of calling them "Dark Elves". Now on to the real things. I don't mind any more dark elves into Surna seeing how it's ripe for the picking, as it almost always has, since Vorn Tyrr, Pat's character, has mysteriously gone rouge and Ms. Vale has assumed leadership over the Greater Heartlands Craft Guild. There will always be a need for mercs and bounty hunters in Surna because of it's relation to Shar's tower.

An explanation of what her spells are would be nice so, not saying you would, she doesn't asspull powerful spells that instarape people. I suggest speaking to Marrka or Pat on this, maybe Xel. As of yet my answer is going to be pending until you write up some balanced powers that she wields. That's my main concern because Shadow Magic is not my strong suite.

And welcome back.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:23 am

I edited some of it to provide more specifics and changed her age, and nihilism isn't so much that life has no purpose, but it has subfields. The most common nihilism feature is cynical pessimism and the belief that the end justifies the means, as life has no purpose but self-gain, for her and many other sorts of Dark Elves. And why would she not be well-received? She keeps her abilities, past, even name on very low-profile, and she never openly carries weapons with her, nor does she publicly commit crimes and such. For all normal people would know, she's a normal Dark Elf drifting into town. You misunderstood me if you think she's some kind of open evil genius. And the majority of Dark Elves I've seen are not unique or blended, usually. Either they're evil maniacs or sympathetic traitor-to-their-race people. This one is fueled by both revenge and the simpler desire to experience life outside of her sheltered past.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:36 am

BooM wrote:
I suggest speaking to Marrka

...And I suggest not speaking to Markka about anything lore-related.

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:07 am

Munroe wrote:
BooM wrote:
I suggest speaking to Marrka

...And I suggest not speaking to Markka about anything lore-related.

He said Marrka, not Markka.

Silly Munroe.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:19 am

PhoenixRhapsody wrote:
DENIED

PhoenixRhapsody wrote:

i'm gonna be honest, my opinion in this thread is not worth much until i bother to stop staring at the picture

but, I notice she's got a lot of drowskillz. seeing as I don't know you as well as the other members, I can't say with certainty how much trust im willing to put down to let you start off with a more developed char; im thinking in terms of newer member here, even though that's not true.

I'd like to see a little more detail on that. Also, there is already a lot of Daefar lore floating around, but all the elven subtype lore is still being put down on paper. I know Pat is working through Alfar lore (high elves, basically) and it's almost done.. Dverfar lore (deep-elves) comes next, due to impact on technology thread, and finally, daefar.

So, be advised, you may have to shift your backstory in the near future. To avoid that, you should probably talk to pat and get a few things straightened out. For one, the Daefar came from the underdark, and two, the entire race suffered a great calamity -exactly- 200 years ago, maybe 201, w/e. It occurred as a chain reaction to the Sharic Invasion. Seeing as your character would have been, what, 13/14 at the time, she probably doesn't remember it all that clearly, but growing in the world after that would have hugely influenced her life. Something to consider.

btw, yes, their proper name is Daefar, but you may say drow as a slang term, along with dark elf.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 4:42 pm

Munroe wrote:
BooM wrote:
I suggest speaking to Marrka

...And I suggest not speaking to Markka about anything lore-related.

Unless it's crystals. But noone cares about those. For anything else, just go bother someone else.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:03 pm

I think the biggest concern with her character is her backstory. And it's not really your fault, given the lore hasn't been written yet. As Kain said, the Daefar are currently third on the list of lore pages right now, after the Alfar and Dverfar.

So what I think you should do, Foshizzle, is decide which Daefar society you'd want to belong to. The Forgotten, a small, fanatic society of cultists and warriors who worship Shar (which might very well fit your character's backstory better) or the Daefar of the Underdark, a much, much much larger civilization, who suffered a devastating cataclysm, as Kain said, 200 years ago, which caused them to move to the surface. Either one can work.

I'd personally recommend the Forgotten. The details of her backstory fit the Forgotten far more than the main dark elf society. The events of the Black Tower (which ironically caused the cataclysm the other daefar experienced) could easily replace the destruction of the kingdom, and the Forgotten pretty much caused the events of the Black Tower.

So here's my proposal. She was born into the Forgotten, to be trained as her many ancestors before - as a fierce shadow warrior for Shar - but the Forgotten's defeat at the Black Tower nearly destroyed the Forgotten, shattering them and forcing them to hide themselves. This would interrupt this Malfa's training and fit with her backstory.

The part of her backstory where her enclave was raided? A Forgotten Enclave, raided by either Occitanians or early Sanctimonian soldiers.

It all fits rather well. Feel free to talk to me or Munroe (who is the expert and creator of the Forgotten, as well as the one who orchestrated the Black Tower events) for more information or more ideas for redoing her backstory.

The only other thing I would mention is that she'd know Shadow Magic, of all those "dark arts" Phoenix listed. All of her spells would be done with the Shadow Weave, which can do most things the normal Weave can, with a few additions and the requirement that one worship Shar. I personally don't see much issue with her skills or her magical abilities, but like Munroe my accept is Pending until we see how you roleplay. Remember you have roughly a week in which you can RP this character without needing an accept.

Also, Kain, it's "Golden Elves" for the Dverfar, not "Deep Elves".

Also, Phoenix, your input is good, but you could really do with a lighter tone. You sound exacting and hostile when you review characters.

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:47 pm

oh, der. okay. golden elves. golden. gold. i feel like there's a joke i could make about this.

phoenix had bad memories as a child in character approval. he didn't get enough hugs, and it's turned him into a simon cowell monster.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:15 am

Honeslty I liked Phoenix's criticism because it was true, but yeah most of it was really just "My Dark Elf's better, your app's shorter, denied."

Edited the backstory to make her part of the Forgotten. I'm trying also to make it clear she isn't a generic kill-everyone-revenge Forgotten, but she was stripped of her normal life long ago, and now she wants to live it out. This and soldiers finding her are why she rarely uses any of her magic or abilities. She could give them a run for their money, but if she was caught, she would be killed, no question to it. This is why if she does use her powers she does so in secret, one-on-one confrontations, and her spells, as I said, are exhausting and not professional. She's been on the run for too long to study them appropriately.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:29 am

Foshizzle wrote:
Honeslty I liked Phoenix's criticism because it was true, but yeah most of it was really just "My Dark Elf's better, your app's shorter, denied."

Edited the backstory to make her part of the Forgotten. I'm trying also to make it clear she isn't a generic kill-everyone-revenge Forgotten, but she was stripped of her normal life long ago, and now she wants to live it out. This and soldiers finding her are why she rarely uses any of her magic or abilities. She could give them a run for their money, but if she was caught, she would be killed, no question to it. This is why if she does use her powers she does so in secret, one-on-one confrontations, and her spells, as I said, are exhausting and not professional. She's been on the run for too long to study them appropriately.

PM/SF me if you have questions, because there isn't a lot out there about the Forgotten.

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:40 am

An elaboration of her arcane abilities would be dandy. Right now we're likely guessing what is the extent of her abilities as far as magic goes. Nevermind. Didn't notice the notes. I suppose she's acceptable.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Fri Sep 21, 2012 8:10 am

Pat wrote:
Also, Phoenix, your input is good, but you could really do with a lighter tone. You sound exacting and hostile when you review characters.

I am this way because of how I was treated when I started out with character creation. It rubbed off on me. I will try to be less harsh in my tone, but that is not my normal pattern of speech. I am concise and speak with authority that I typically don't have.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Tue Oct 02, 2012 4:46 pm

This character hasn't been adapted yet.

Have you talked to Munroe yet?

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:17 am

He's not been on, has he?
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:18 am

Foshizzle wrote:
He's not been on, has he?

Add me on Steam, WakkaWakka3

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Mon Oct 08, 2012 2:58 pm

I know about what you wanted from Erika. You slut.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:56 am

I like it, a mighty character by the looks of it when placed within her element; truth be told, I think I can happily give this an pending as long as the lore fits.

I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:41 am


The way I saw this character act I didn't feel she really fell into the evil alignment. While she was rude or even said some things that could be considered evil, her overall behavior didn't seem to match evil as far as the D&D alignment system.

I am thinking about removing my alignments as well, seeing as they are too restrictive.

Anyways, I have seen no reasons why the character would need to be denied and the lore is not my forte, so I say that this character is generally ready for moving to accepted.
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PostSubject: Re: Malfa Hewhy   Thu Oct 25, 2012 9:32 pm

What's the verdict on this one? Fo, you still playing as it?

Also, are the issues resolved with the character yet?

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