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 Mark Smith

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hmark
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PostSubject: Mark Smith   Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:24 am

Mark born in the far-far Realm of Europicum, within the Nation of Hungaricum from the marriage of a hunter called Edward and a beautiful Princess called Evelyss.

His father was a great man so Mark learned fast day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month and year-by-year.
He lived in the peaceful village of Chalmere and everyone liked him for his good sense of humor and his handsomeness.
He could get any women he want, but he only wanted the beautfiul woman, Katarine, daughter of a great merchant know as Agaron, but never got the chance to get close to him, since he was poor and Katarine was rich.

The years went by and Mark was growing.
It was his birthday and he was going to invite some of his best friends to celebrate this great day.
He was just walking on the streets to his friend's house when he heard screaming from the house of the merchant.

When we walked closer to the building he saw the doors broke in, so he walked in and looked around and
got scared....The place was on fire.
He started running upstairs and saw that 2 people restrained Katarine to a chair and another guy was yelling
"Where your father keeps his money?!" .

"I don't know!" she said, but then the guy hit her with his fists.
Mark picked up a wooden plank and ran to Katerine to help her.
It tooked like 5 or 6 minutes, but finally he killed the 3 guys.

- What did they want from you? -he asked.
- They wanted my father's money. -she said- They said he had some debit.
Oh. I almost forgot about my father.

They ran to his father's office, but it was too late.
Agaron was on his table lying in his own puddle of blood.

-Ohh noo! - said the girl and started crying.
-Don't worry Katerine, I'll be there for you and protecting you from these monsters.
-Oh. Thank you. I...I...

And then. Mark's dream come true. He finally kissed Katerine.


3 months later they had a beautiful wedding with all of their friends and family.

Another 5 years went by.

Mark and Katerine lived in peace in their home.

They had a garden, a kitchen, a living room and a terrace with a beautfiul view of the mountains.
They had everything.

Until that day.

It was a normal day.
Mark was going to the forrest to hunt some annimals for dinner
Katerine was in the garden taking care of the flowers when someone knocked on the door.

Katerine went there, but when he opened the door there was nobody there, but a letter.
It had the King's symbol on it.
The letter said:
"You are in trouble. Hide and go away from this realm!"
Katerine got scared to death, but decided that she'll wait for Mark to come back before doing anything.

After 2 hours Mark came home. and got scared when saw Katherine sitting on a chair with a serious face.

-What happened? - he asked.
-Read this. - Katherine said.
-What does it mean? - asked Mark after reading the message.
-I don't know but it had the King's symbol on it.
-I think someone's just joking with us.
-It is impossible. No one can copy the symbol of the King.
-You know what? I'll go in the town and see if anybody knows anything about this letter, okay? But for now just make the lunch, please. I'm very hungry. - Mark said
-Okay, okay. Sorry...I just...
-...I know I know. You got scared, but don't worry. I'm with you. I'll never leave you.
-You promise?
-I promise.

They kissed eachother, made the dinner and went to bed.

Next day Mark woke up and went to the "Ye Old Pub" to find out what happened yesterday.
When he went in he got a strange feeling. Everyone was looking at him strangely.....and seriously.

-My deepest condolences to you. -said Jeremy, Mark's best friend.
-What do you mean?
-Oh. So sorry that I have to tell you it, but.....this morning they found your parents dead in their house
-WHAT?!!! -yelled Mark
- I..I don't know what happened.
-Oh no...It can't be true!..Why? -said Mark and started crying

When he arrived home he told Katherine what happened. She was scared too.

Days went by.

Mark was just walking home from the funeral, when somebody grabbed him and took him into an alley.

- I know what happened. It was all planned by the government. I sent you the letter, but we have no much time. The man who killed your family was Lord Gerrald, the advisor of the King. You must find him. He's living the city this evening.

The man just finished talking when he collapsed onto the ground. With a knife in his back.

Mark panicked and ran home as fast as he could.

-What happened? -asked Katherine.
-I can't tell! But I must go now. I must find out what happened to my family.
Sorry, but....I must leave now. -he said- I don't know when I'll come back or even if I'll come back, but you must know one thing. I'll always love you. And I'll always be there for you.

They kissed eachother, and without any other options Mark packed everything he had and needed on his horse and went to the Castle in the perfect time, cause Lord Gerrald was riding his horse out of the gates. Markus lacking other options followed him on the streets, out the gates.

He looked back at the town where he lived his whole live. - I'll miss you. - he said, and rode into the distance.


His previous life ended. But his adventure, just began.
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Venom OPS
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:39 am

What.

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Munroe
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:41 am

This is a very confusing character page.

You don't explain what he's doing here in Surna or what his abilities are. Hungaricum and Europicum don't exist in our lore, and frankly, I don't even know what's going on in that story. The dialogue has dashes in some places, quotes in others, the action skips around and is quite vague, and you spell Katherine's name at least 3 different ways. This needs some serious revision. I recommend you look at this guide. And this one.

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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:46 am

Whilst this makes a pretty nice bio, the lack of a format is a bit worrying. Munroe's posted some helpful guides that I too recommend, it's got an easy to follow copy and paste format style and a load of words that explain a little of what we are and do here.

Hello and welcome, though. :3
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hmark
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Tue Aug 28, 2012 11:58 pm

Krug wrote:
Whilst this makes a pretty nice bio, the lack of a format is a bit worrying. Munroe's posted some helpful guides that I too recommend, it's got an easy to follow copy and paste format style and a load of words that explain a little of what we are and do here.

Hello and welcome, though. :3

Thank you and I'll try to remake it but I think I won't delete the story because it took like an hour to write with no stops :D
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Wed Aug 29, 2012 2:51 am

You might want to touch it up so it doesn't jump around so much, though. Hard to follow if there's dashes and quotes and spelling errors running rampant.


Last edited by Markka on Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:28 pm

smith

Smith?

SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITH?!?!?!

this town ain't big enough fer the both'a us
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Sat Sep 01, 2012 3:52 am

Um.

Does this guy still rp here? It's been 3 days and he hasn't touched this profile.
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Sat Sep 01, 2012 9:06 am

Good question. There's quite a bit here though, so I reckon we should leave it for a little while longer just in case.
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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:16 am

Advice was ignored and creator is inactive. Moved.

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PostSubject: Re: Mark Smith   Thu Sep 27, 2012 12:03 pm

Alec Smith's confused, deranged failure of a brother

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