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 Michael Scorpion

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AudioStrike
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Join date : 2012-08-22

PostSubject: Michael Scorpion   Wed Aug 22, 2012 3:14 pm

Name: Michael Scorpion
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Appearance: Parted brown hair, green eyes, slight beard.
Alignment: Neutral

Biography:

Michael grew up as a pretty average child. He did everything a normal youngster would do on a day-to-day basis; doing chores and playing little games with other children. He attended school until he was eighteen. At the age of twenty, Michael grew restless. He wanted to leave. During the winter, a group of mercenaries were going from town to town, recruiting whoever wished to join. Michael seized the chance and took up their offer, joining their ranks. He was given a decent pay, and equipment was supplied. In his first year, he would practice combat with other newly recruited mercenaries. He found himself attracted to armour that wasn't heavy enough to slow you down, yet not light enough to be completely open to attacks. As well, he was attracted to a bow and melee combination. If an enemy was afar, he could shoot an arrow that would pierce in to his foes. Up close, he could slash down generic opponents down, and use a mace when the more heavily armoured enemies rolled in.

After months of training, he was asked to do a mission. This was his first time, and he was very excited. He was told to lead two other mercenaries and kill a farmer who has yet to pay his dues. After a day of travel by horse, he finally reached the farmer's village. He approached the wanted man, looking at him fiercely. The farmer started to cry, kneeling down and begging. Michael looked around the house and saw two innocent children staring at the strangers, tears in their eyes. Michael raised his sword, ready to swing down upon the farmer, ending his life. He started to bring it down upon him, but found his sword in the floorboards beside him. He didn't have the strength to kill him. He ordered the two mercenaries to stand down. They were confused, but followed his orders.

He stayed the night at that town, thinking about the mistake he made. He used to have a happy childhood, a loving family.. And he threw it all away. He can't go back to his main camp, he would be punished. He saw what happened to others who refused to do what they were asked. Instead, he ran off. He didn't take anyone with him. He took his horse and coin that he had and rode until he figured he would never be seen by anyone he knew again. It pains him to think about his family, he is trying to train himself to forget about them.

After two days of travelling without sleep, he encountered a small town. He rode in and hitched his horse and walked in to the Tavern. He paid for a room, and slept until morning. He woke up, and started to equip his armour. He picked up his sword, staring at it. He told himself he would never murder the innocent. He will only use his weaponry for those who have committed crimes. While he is no longer a true mercenary, he does what others tell him to; as long as there is a pay.

Combat Skills:

Melee: Michael uses sword and mace to take down his foes up close. After much time of training, he knows many tricks and movements to get ahead in a fight. His only downside is his ability to take down large foes. They are problems.

Ranged: Michael is capable of using many ranged weapons, though he has never handled a gun before. While he specializes in the use of bows, he may use a crossbow if needed.

Unarmed: When it comes to bar fights or being disarmed, Michael is able to defend himself. Depending on the strength of the opponent, he can usually take down a foe in a matter of minutes.

Magic: Michael does not know any magic, nor will he ever train in it. He refuses to.

Equipment: Steel sword, chainmail half-armour, standard bow and arrows, decent amount of cash.
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PhoenixRhapsody
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Wed Aug 22, 2012 3:39 pm

Have seen better and worse. Pending until I can see how you RP. I am impressed that you took the initiative to make a character app right away, though. Good for you. Keep it up and you might get places in our community. I will let the others nitpick your character apart though.
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Thu Aug 23, 2012 1:46 am

Well I'm definitely with Phoenix on this, though I'm leaning towards an approval off the bat. He's got a wonderfully balanced skillset and the no magic is welcomed in this new age where it's supposed to be much rarer.

Definitely thumbs up for making a page straight away, though. And welcome! :3

Pending for me purely for sake of other people's opinions. But a good writer makes a good roleplayer nine times out of ten, so I'm confident.
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Thu Aug 23, 2012 1:58 am



the scorpion
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Kain
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Thu Aug 23, 2012 2:22 am

Looks fine to me. And yes, I did in fact read the entire thing.

You could make improvements, but from what I see here, he looks like an average, maybe above-average sellsword. You may want to read into lore and give him a real place of origin and root yourself into Aeria's setting a little better.

I would suggest an edit to your backstory, because it says he trained for a long time, but when he was sent on his first mission, he's sent as a -leader- of two other mercenaries. Why would they have him lead his first mission? Doesn't make sense. I suggest working on that and coming up with something that makes more sense. I know, you just want to get the character going, but trust me, getting a firm foundation is one of the best things you can do for your character and your roleplay.

Anyway, I have no real problem with the skills. They're just descriptions, but I understand it well enough. You may want to consider using our template to expand upon your profile, but that is up to you. Also, it would be great if you could add his age and place of birth.

Good luck to you.
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AudioStrike
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Thu Aug 23, 2012 2:57 am

Thanks for all the tips, I'm thinking about completely redoing the backstory but keeping the same idea to it. It was really late when I typed it up and after reading it again, it's pretty easy to tell I rushed through it.
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Munroe
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:03 am

This needs a reply from the creator, or it shall be moved.

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Atlas
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Thu Sep 27, 2012 11:14 am

I will give out an accept, I quite like the read and it is a fairly generic and kosher male fighter skill set.
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noodle
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Location : Surna, Sanctimonia

PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:28 am

My accept too.
I mean, your fighting style here isn't extraordinary. Pretty common, actually. I like how you decided for your big tough melee fighter not to be a heartless bastard like most of the chars with this style are...
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Munroe
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PostSubject: Re: Michael Scorpion   Mon Oct 08, 2012 4:58 am

Despite this character's acceptance, the creator has not replied. This is moved until he returns, if he returns.

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