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 Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]

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Soviet Roach
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PostSubject: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:54 am

Age: 33

Gender:Male

Race: Human

Birthplace: Talibar

Skill:: Medical.

Biography: A very demented, but brilliant individual, Dr. Franken Stein a very skilled Doctor saw everything as an experiment.
Stein Was born into a very wealthy family,His father a doctor Stein His little Assistance. At the age of 11 he turned a Dead Rat into a living zombie..for a few good seconds before its head exploded. He Kept trying and pursuing his dream of a Doctor and Scientist. At the age of 14 He killed his parents by 'Accident' During a failed Heart transaction on both of them. He put the body's in a create and shoved them in a pit. He Left his home in Talibar and walked. At the Age of 18 a mugger tortured him in a cellar. He had to get Stitches all over his body . At the age of 19 he earned the nick name 'Franken Stein' His Real name Jackmier Stein. He adopted the name 'Franken' and used it as his real name instead of jackmier.

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Favored Enemy: (OPTIONAL) Humans

Favored Weapon: (OPTIONAL) Daggers and medical cutting tools

Deity: (OPTIONAL)None.

Current Task: (OPTIONAL) Becoming a more skilled...Scientist and Doctor.

Picture:
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Hyperiant
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:00 am

Aside from copyright issues with the name, I knew what this page was going to be before I clicked on it. It's the standard creepy torture doctor villain archetype. I'm naturally biased against the character, but he's going to need more elaboration on the extent of his skills and whether he is able to perform in combat.
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http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197998676897
Munroe
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:19 am

Quote :
A very demented, but brilliant individual, Dr. Franken Stein

Okay, right here, you've chosen to name your character after a character in another work of fiction (need I specify which?), and have clearly based this on it. I'd recommend changing your name and possibly some of the character right off the bat, just to avoid being too unoriginal. This isn't going to get through approval otherwise.

Quote :
Stein Was born into a very wealthy family,His father a doctor Stein His little Assistance. At the age of 11 he turned a Dead Rat into a living zombie..for a few good seconds before its head exploded.

You don't specify how or why he brought a rat back from the dead. Was he a necromancer? Did he have interest in such forbidden topics? You mentioned his father; was he the motivation for becoming a necromancer?

Quote :
He Kept trying and pursuing his dream of a Doctor and Scientist. At the age of 14 He killed his parents by 'Accident' During a failed Heart transaction on both of them.

So at 14, he somehow subdued his adult parents and tried to 'transact' their hearts, killing both of them. It's actually somewhat realistic that this procedure would fail, considering the setting is barely at a renaissance level of medical technology, and is not science fiction the way Frankenstein's setting was.

Quote :
He put the body's in a create and shoved them in a pit. He Left his home in Talibar and walked.

After shoving his dead parents in a pit, he... walked. Where did he walk? How did he survive? Weren't authorities after him for being a mad doctor?

Quote :
At the Age of 18 a mugger tortured him in a cellar. He had to get Stitches all over his body .

Where? How? Why? He got stitches all over his body? By whom? Did he sew them himself?

Quote :
At the age of 19 he earned the nick name 'Franken Stein' His Real name Jackmier Stein. He adopted the name 'Franken' and used it as his real name instead of jackmier.

Why? Remember, in this setting, no one has read Frankenstein. There's no reason at all for him to have this nickname. You also haven't even mentioned his real name up to this point. Here's a tip - the real name should come first, before pretty much anything else in the biography.


The bio you've written here has left me more confused than informed about your character. You need to think more about it and make it clearer just who this guy is and what his motivations are.

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Soviet Roach
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:02 am

Sorry For the Sucky background. I did it around 4:00am and i was tired. Im working on a new background as we speak,And i did not base Stein Off the book franken Stein. He's based off a char from a anime i love 'Soul Eater'
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:02 am

Soviet Roach wrote:
Sorry For the Sucky background. I did it around 4:00am and i was tired. Im working on a new background as we speak,And i did not base Stein Off the book franken Stein. He's based off a char from a anime i love 'Soul Eater'

Well that's alright but, the name is a tad bit... well, it is Dr. Frankenstein

Within the Olden lore there's no reason for the name "Franken" to mean anything, so- sadly I do you think you have to change it before people can look deeper into the character.

To put it bluntly, you can't have that name.
also don't be a tryhard munroe
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Psyche
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:33 am

Soviet Roach wrote:
He's based off a char from a anime i love 'Soul Eater'

Quote :
also don't be a tryhard munroe

you became a tryhard as soon as you responded
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Pat
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:17 am

Denied. Both the picture and character are from the anime 'Soul Eater'.

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Pat
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PostSubject: Re: Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]   Tue Apr 10, 2012 8:58 pm

Moved to Denied.

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Doctor Franken Stein [WIP]
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